Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
