we made out on top of his cat.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
