and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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