I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize