I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
