so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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