Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
