i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
