I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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