just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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