Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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