Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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