Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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