So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
