I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
