Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
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it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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