He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
