Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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