it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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