You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
