So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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