"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
