I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
