Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had sex on a roof
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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