When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
