Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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