Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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