My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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