Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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