Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
