So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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