Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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