just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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