i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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