There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
