Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
