Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
