If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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