Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
