i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
