I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
