sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
