sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
