At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
