I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize