I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
