We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
