just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
