i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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