i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I believe in your delicious
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
