Only a mothe r could love this liver
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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