So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
