Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We are two peas in an std pod
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
