I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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