i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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