I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
