I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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