were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
