New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
