Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
