Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
