69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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