I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
