they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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