i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
