The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
