I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
