Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
