you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
