so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
