K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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