How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
