He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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