Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
